Human as a Verb → Autopenmanship → Negative Progress

Hey Neighbor. True story. A young woman fresh back from London with a new Karl Lagerfeld bag meets two coworkers at a D.C. bar. She’s showing off her big new purchase, which clearly makes her feel some kind of way. When she excuses herself for a minute, one coworker turns to the other with a look of genuine confusion. 

“Why didn't she just go to Chanel?”

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➺ They say wet dogs smell bad, but that’s not true if you love the dog.

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STATUS ❧ Semantic Expansion

“I like to verb words” declared Calvin to Hobbes in a 1993 strip presaging the career of Jesse “The Succession Guy” Armstrong, HBO’s bard of shorthand-to-shorthand combat^[1]. In Mountainhead, Armstrong’s defiling of Ayn Rand’s corpse, the following nouns get verbed by mewling broligarchs: lever, action, legacy, coup, and, most ominously, human. This is not just an auteurish tick. Verbing has become execuspeak at companies that onboard, scope, paper, pivot, and scale because changing parts of speech “semantically expands” words.

Semantic expansion is what happens when a word is used to convey a concept more complex than its original meaning – an almost inevitable consequence of verbing. Consider email. As a noun, email is a message; as a verb, it’s a whole process. Now try to stomach what it means to human.

Verbing obfuscates feelings, operational complexity, and consequences while allowing speakers to sidestep specificity in a way that creates plausible deniability. Basically, it’s a supercharged form of yadayada-ing that allows your boss to dismiss your work and expertise when you’re not in the room. Hobbes suggests verbing could "make language a complete impediment to understanding.” As Armstrong demonstrates, it’s worse than that: Verbing allows venal midwits to speak power without having to speak truth.

➺ Giving kids tons of choices is only bad if you don’t help them make the choices. ➺ Seamless for self-improvement is coming. ➺ Is Mission Impossible really about office dynamics? Nope. ➺ City people who find wallets give them back regardless of the impression made by the IDs inside.

TASTE ❧ Consumption Spiral

If you get a new dad who's kinda into golf a (1) Trucha Woven Belt from La Matera, he'll remember the one his own dad wore, prompting a shuffle through old photos and a quest for a seventies-style colorblock quarter zip. Once the (2) Madison Sweater from Ellsworth + Ivey arrives, he’s gonna want it to smell right, which means a twelve pack of (3) Cedar Hangers from Home Essentials. As he reorganizing his closet, he'll notice the soles of his (4) Minnetonka Driving Mocs are worn from walking the dog and order (5) Rag and Bone Lug Sole Slip-Ons^[2], which will give him a bit of height, making him feel confident enough to wear his (6) Barton Perreira Aviators to a garden party where the host will hand him a (7) Simon Pierce Ascutney Whiskey Glass. That will make him think of Vermont, so he’ll buy (8) Runamok Sparkle Syrup and an (9) Alva Non-Stick Pancake Pan to make breakfast. He’ll want to make that special for the kid so he’ll buy (10) Monogrammed Dinner Napkins from Over the Moon the table then go out to buy some moody-enhancing (11) Blue Floral Taper Candles from Anthropology, where he’ll run into a friend who will compliment him on his outfit. Pleased, he’ll check himself in one of the mirrors and think that, yes, he does look – even though he’s not so sure about the belt. 

➺ The American Apparel aesthetic is back (along with that sex pest). ➺ Home stagers are bad at interiors and good exteriors. ➺ Why does the Third Coastal Elite smells so goddamn good? ➺ We’re all just Victorian ghosts haunting a rundown mansion.

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