The Alpha’s Beta → Alt Bubbly → Birth Bertha

Hey Neighbor. In 1990, roughly .0026% of newborns were named Hudson. In the 25 years since, that number has risen north of .46%, a 17692% increase driven by well-to-do New York hipsters and insecure Brits in awe of Beckham. Now, there’s a kid named Hudson Thames playing Spider-Man on Disney+. 

What have we wrought?

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→ “Vice signaling” is becoming the de facto means of demonstrating realness. Expressions of shameless self-interest and disdain for collectivism of any kind are, of course, obnoxious, but that’s a feature not a bug. The real status game beneath “vice signaling” is about composure and who loses theirs first. (READ MORE)

→ In 1988, college professors were awarded a four out of five on a professional honesty scale by registered Republicans. They are now sitting at one, which is lower than cars salesmen. (READ MORE)

→ Ben Affleck reprised his role as a coffee-obsessed boy band leader in this year’s Dunkin’ Donuts Super Bowl commercial. The Harvard educated Oscar winner continued to make his pitch in a fake South Dorchester accent and this time he recruited Jeremy Strong, who just won a Tony for doing Ibsen on Broadway, to help mock Starbucks-coded baristas for slinging sissy boy lattes. The mind boggles, but the ad… works? Dunkin’s approach is working class-coded but welcoming for professionals. Want proof, read Olive Kitteridge, which won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 2009. Lots of Dunkin’. 

Upper Middle Research identifies readers with professional expertise and matches them with surveys and focus groups that pay up to $300 an hour (probably during lunch) and keep them abreast of what’s going on in their field.

How dog parks became the only dog shows that matter.

The Westminster Dog Show, which kicks off this week, is ostensibly a competition based on “breed conformation,” but it’s consumed by the caninophilic public as nothing more (or less) than a pooch parade. There’s a simple reason for this: The traits that make a dog special within the context of a dog show are markedly different than the traits that make a dog special at a dog park in 2025. Those latter traits are what matter to the well-heeled Americans who turn on the show so their kids can giggle at the Brussels Griffon while petting their lab.

After WWII, Americans got big yards and medium-sized dogs. Beagles, Cocker Spaniels, and English Spring Spaniels^[1] were enormously popular. These breeds varied in independence (Beagles roam), but are generally friendlier toward humans than other dogs. In the 1960s, as TVs and white couches got popular, the Upper Middle – the group most likely to own dogs – became enamored with poodles, which are lazier most medium-sized dogs and even more pack-averse.

Then, in the late 1960s, hippies started bringing their parents’ poodles to the People’s Park in Berkeley. This gave some enterprising non-showerers an idea. In 1979, after almost two decade of ruined vegan picnics, Ohlone Dog Park in San Francisco became the first purpose-built dog playspace of its kind. Locals dug it. Dogs dug it. Almost immediately, thousands of similar parks sprung up across the country – most of them in wealthier neighborhoods. Functionally, dog parks became mini country clubs with lenient pooping policies. By the early aughts, social scientists were using dog parks to identify neighborhoods with high socio-economic status.

Upper Middle dog owners’ preferences changed.

Starting in the 1980s, dog-lovers sought out breeds less likely to be aggressive to other dogs, which is to say better at the park. But they ran into a sizable problem. The least aggressive dogs – Irish Wolfhounds and Great Danes – were a threat to the good china. So they compromised. Doberman Pinschers, Irish Setters, German Shepherds, and Retrievers (Golden and Labrador) became the unofficial mascots of the managerial class. 

Then Pinschers, Setters, and Shepherds were overbred. 

That left the retrievers, a very friendly, very energetic, and very owner-attached bunch of doofuses (fronted by the dog from You’ve Got Mail^[2]). A virtuous (for retrievers) cycle was created. Well-heeled owners took their energetic retrievers the park, where the retrievers thrived, prompting non-retriever people to get more retrievers, who in turn took their energetic dogs to the park.

These days, the doofiness associated with retrievers is also associated with high economic status. In America, fancy people who live near dog parks have doofy dogs.

But Madison Square Garden is not a dog park. Within the social and canine confines of the Westminster Dog Show, less amiable breeds with deeper historically roots (and associations with European gentry) tend to win. It’s an issue of context-dependent status. Retrievers are nothing special at Westminster. They don’t have a leg up on the competition

Some of that competition is aggressive. Some of that competition is independent. Some of that competition hunts. Some of that competition dozes in laps. Most of that competition is not doofy. That’s why they’ve already lost.

→ Along with many other outlets, T Magazine has declared the return of prep, which they seem to interpret as meaning a lot of layering and argyle. The thing about this interpretation is that it makes prep recession-proof. Everyone who reads this newsletter has an argyle sweater and a collared shirt. We can rummage around to build on it. (READ MORE)

→ The Criterion collection has lowered prices so now is the time to grab a copy of Paris, Texas or Blood Simple before the Letterbox nerds get it. (BROWSE)

→ Ely Callaway, the man who gave the world the Big Bertha driver, is dropping his autobiography tomorrow. It’s an odd move for the golf legend because he’s dead. As it happens, his son – the man who published Madonna’s Sex – pieced the whole thing together from the scraps left by the four ghostwriters Ely ran off before succumbing. The book will be a must-have for anyone who hits long (or cares about the birth of the California riesling business.) (READ MORE)

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American Prosecco importers are panicking about Trump’s tariffs. They are shipping bottles to the states 41% faster than prior to the election. And for good reason: Prosecco is consumed predominantly by younger, more social, and less brand-loyal drinkers (that would be… us). And if, god forbid, there winds up being a Prosecco bottle-shaped hole in the dinner party wine market, there are a lot of non-European bottles of bubbly that could fill it.

Like… a lot. And it’s as good a time as any to start giving them a taste.

→ Over at The Atlantic, Yoni Applebaum is laying a good deal of the blame for America’s culture war at the feet of the progressive who, led by Jane “Moat GOAT” Jacobs, popularized the idea that homeowners have the right to protect their neighborhoods, an idea largely discussed in terms of “gentrification,” but largely weaponized to keep the poor(er) people from coming into wealthier communities. Fair enough, but the sort of home commodification that made mobility possible early in the 20th century isn’t coming back. Part of the problem? AirBnB. (READ MORE)

→ Gen Z kids have 30% higher incomes than their parents did at the same age. They are walking a very different road than Millennials. And it’s not helping with the intergenerational tension. (READ MORE)

→ President Trump halted enforcement of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act^[4], which previously made it illegal for American executives to bribe or otherwise coerce public officials in other countries. It’s actually true that the act hampered the growth of some American companies trying to operate in sketchy countries, but it’s telling the act was not rescinded. The potential for selective enforcement is the potential for domestic corruption. (READ MORE)

[2] Go to a suburb dog park and yell “Brinkley!” I fucking dare you.

[3] I genuinely did not want to share this piece of information. This stuff is really, really good. Also, Tasmania seems like it would be a very cool place to go.

[4] When I lived in Cambodia, there was an island off the coast populated largely by prostitutes where executives from Russian companies would take members of the government they intended to bribe. It was almost certainly also a kompromat operation. This is all to say that bribery works.