Upper Middle’s “Very Guilty Pleasures Survey” examines how members of the Oat Milk Elite feel about their least elite behaviors and habit. By treating guilt not as a moral failing but as a social signal, the survey attempts to determine not only what activities we perceive as beneath us, but how the social math of stigmatization gets done.
Results suggest that feeling guilt around pleasure is an almost1 universal experience and that those feelings are mediated by a variety factors, including but not limited to wealth, upbringing, gender, and whether or not you read Pitchfork back in the day.
GUILT AND SHAME
According to the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine, guilt comes in two flavors. Helpful guilt is rooted in morality. It’s why we apologize and why we avoid being assholes in the first place. Unhelpful guilt is rooted in social expectations internalized as unrealistic standards. It helps explain why America’s high-achievers disproportionately suffer from mental health issues — what psychologist Carol Dweck calls the “Fixed Mindset,” the idea that kids are labeled early and pressured to conform to those labels, from “smart” to “athletic” to “artsy” to “kinda slutty.” When grown children fail to behave in accordance with their labels, they feel unhelpful guilt, which can metastasize into shame — a sense of intrinsic and irreparable unworthiness common among Catholics and dogs that can’t hold it.
FIG. 1 Self-Reported Guilty Pleasures vs. % of Respondents
The most common guilty pleasures reported by survey respondents weren’t extreme vices but everyday indulgences: doomscrolling (67%), procrastination (51%), impulse shopping (46%), gossiping (43%), and potential mental coping strategies like bad TV, splurging, canceling plans, or drinking too much (26–38%). In other words, guilt came less from wild escapades than from ordinary behaviors coded as lazy or unserious — the kinds of pleasures that bump up against internalized labels.
FIG. 2 Self-Reported “Normal” Pleasures vs. % of Respondents
As such, it’s worth considering where those labels came from. A striking 84% of respondents said their parents had high expectations. For them, guilt was less about health (“I know it isn’t good for me,” 54% vs. 60%) and more about identity: “doesn’t fit my self-image” (28.5% vs. 20.6%), “doesn’t fit the image I present to others” (27.5% vs. 17.6%), or “I was raised to think I shouldn’t like this” (22.1% vs. 10.3%). They also reported more guilty pleasures overall (5.5 vs. 4.5). The correlation is modest but significant: Children raised with high expectations are more prone to unhelpful guilt. As Dweck puts it, “Mindsets frame the running account that’s taking place in people’s heads.”
FIG. 3 Self-Reported Reason for Guilt vs. % Respondents (Represented By Area)
For socially active people, guilt was about image: 38% worried about inconsistency, and 24% called pleasures a “reward.” For the isolated, guilt came from upbringing (29% vs. 19%). Community seems to soften guilt, because others can offer forgiveness.
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