Relative Riches

The only thing better than having money is having more money than your friends. Or yourself a few years ago. The problem? Eventually this self is yourself a few years ago.

Squirrely Gates

Interior decorating isn't just about turning a house into a home. It's about turning a home into a social certification. But things can go badly awry.

Parlor Games

The original upwardly mobile professionals subdivided their homes to impress the neighbors. Now they bemoan the villas in the subdivision down the street.

Rampant Aristocratization

Lots of people worry about gentrification, but no one has ever drowned in the first wave. It's the second one that gets you (rich).

STATUS REPORT: Heirloom People

For people with no time on their hands, getting dirt under their fingernails is a way of reclaiming the land they already own. Also, making pesto.

STATUS REPORT: Rich Texts

As ambitious people start to make money, they go all in on non-fiction. As they start to have money, they go searching for more human stories.

STATUS REPORT: Mirror Tests

For many younger members of the professional class, success doesn't mean upward mobility. And that lack of progress leads to very negative self-talk.

STATUS REPORT: Antsy Neighbors

For members of the productive professional class, anything that isn't optimized can feel like an indulgence. It's why friction feels like warmth.

Europe, California

As the American frontier closed, violence became entwined with ambition. Why would it be any different in the NIMBY-filled suburbs?

WASP Killers

America used to be run by a cabal of gin-soaked Protestants with Mayflower blood and a tennis match scheduled for 3PM EST. Obviously, most of their employees hated these hopped up aristocats, but life without them ain't going great.

STATUS REPORT: Fighting Stance

For the group of Americans most likely to stay married, fights are shockingly rare and often exceedingly fast. But when they aren't... hoo boy.

STATUS REPORT: Mandatory Indulgences

For members of the productive professional class, anything that isn't optimized can feel like an indulgence. It's why friction feels like warmth.

STATUS REPORT: Tasteful Brandhumping

True status symbols aren’t about communicating wealth. They're about choosing a team and implying that you're the captain.

STATUS REPORT: Ease Maxxing

Most of us lie (just a little), tell jokes that double as confessions, and assume hardship is less awkward to bring up than genuine hard work.

Augustine Sedgewick: "The Fear of Being a Loser Never Goes Away"

Fake Work → Diplomaniacs → Elmoquent Speakers

Horace Mayonnaise → Oolong Tea Party→ How We Fight

Weaponized Ambiance → "Tacky" Sticks → Shank You Very Much!

Mandatory Indulgences → Spicy Ginger → Loyalty Programmed

Totally Spent → Hinokipokey → The DEIs of March

White Collars Soaked in Cold Sweat → Rich Friend Gap

Critical Faculties → Madame Xtreme → Lactic Acid Luxury

Pitbull Market → Glaser Tag → High-Stakes Bullshit

Walk-Away Jobs → S&P SaPs → The Kermitage

America's Desk Top Model → Heirloom People → Against "Entrepreneurialism"